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从构建自尊开始

从构建自尊开始



我们翻译这篇文章的理由


“你不能通过所取得的成就来获得自我价值,基于成就得来的自尊是伪自尊。”

本文摘自《伯恩斯新情绪疗法》(Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy),属于心理治疗中的认知行为治疗(CBT)。认知行为疗法认为,决定情绪的并不是事件本身,而是我们对它的认知,因此该疗法通过纠正扭曲的认知来缓解抑郁。该书经过临床验证与服用抗抑郁药物的效果担当,所以推荐大家拿来阅读(严重抑郁仍需就医)。心理治疗的各个流派都各有利弊,大家需要辩证看待。

——郭嘉宁


👇


从构建自尊开始


作者:David D. Burns

译者:张松 & 李蕾

校对:何翔宇

策划:郭嘉宁 & 金殊羽


Start by Building Self-Esteem

从构建自尊开始

When you are depressed, you invariably believe that you are worthless. The worse the depression, the more you feel this way. You are not alone. A survey by Dr. Aaron Beck revealed that over 80 percent of depressed patients expressed self-dislike. Furthermore, Dr. Beck found that depressed patients see themselves as deficient in the very qualities they value most highly: intelligence, achievement, popularity, attractiveness, health, and strength. He said a depressed self-image can be characterized by the four D’s: You feel Defeated, Defective, Deserted, and Deprived.

抑郁的人总是会觉得自己一钱不值,症状越是严重,这种感觉就越明强烈。阿伦·贝克博士的一项研究表明,80%的抑郁的病人都表达了自我厌恶,并且,抑郁的病人认为自己正是在自身所看重的方面有缺陷,比如智力、成就、名气、魅力、健康和力量。贝克说抑郁的自我形象可以用四个“D“来描绘:抑郁者会感觉到自己失败(Defeated)、有缺陷(Defective)、被孤立(Deserted)、被剥夺(Deprived)。


Almost all negative emotional reactions inflict their damage only as a result of low self-esteem. A poor self-image is the magnifying glass that can transform a trivial mistake or an imperfection into an overwhelming symbol of personal defeat. For example, Eric, a first-year law student, feels a sense of panic in class. “When the professor calls on me, I’ll probably goof up.” Although Eric’s fear of “goofing up” was foremost on his mind, my dialogue with him revealed that a sense of personal inadequacy was the real cause of the problem:

几乎所有的负面情绪反应都是自卑造成的。糟糕的自我形象如同一枚放大镜一般,能将微不足道的失误或是不完美放大成浓重的个人失败的标志。我们举个例子,埃里克是就读第一年的法科学生,在课堂上感到了一丝焦虑。他想“教授要是点到我,我多半会出岔子。”虽然埃里克首先想到的是“出岔子”,不过通过我和他的对话得知,他对于自身的不满才是真正的问题所在。


DAVID: Suppose you did goof up in class. Why would that be particularly upsetting to you? Why is that so tragic?

ERIC: Then I would make a fool of myself.

DAVID: Suppose you did make a fool of yourself. Why would that be upsetting?

ERIC: Because then everyone would look down on me.

DAVID: Suppose people did look down on you? What then?

ERIC: Then I would feel miserable.

DAVID: Why? Why is it that you would have to feel miserable if people were looking down on you?

ERIC: Well, that would mean I wouldn’t be a worthwhile person. Furthermore, it might ruin my career. I’d get bad grades, and maybe I could never be an attorney.

大卫:假设你确实在课堂上出了岔子,你为什么会为此那么沮丧呢?你为什么会觉得那么严重呢?

埃里克:因为我会出洋相。

大卫:好,假设你确实出了洋相,你为何会因此苦恼?

埃里克:因为大家会因此看不起我。

大卫:假设人们真的看不起你?会怎么样?

埃里克:那我会觉得自己很悲惨。

大卫:为什么人们看不起你,你就觉得自己很悲惨?

埃里克:嗯…因为那意味着我就不是一个有价值的人,而且,这也许会毁掉我的职业生涯,我也许会得到一个糟糕的成绩,甚至会根本当不上一名律师。


DAVID: Suppose you didn’t become an attorney. Let’s assume for the purposes of discussion that you did flunk out. Why would that be particularly upsetting to you?

ERIC: That would mean that I had failed at something I’ve wanted all my life.

DAVID: And what would that mean to you?

ERIC: Life would be empty. It would mean I was a failure. It would mean I was worthless.

大卫:假设…咱们就为了这次对话而这么假设一下,你确实被劝退了,没当上律师,这为什么会让你苦恼呢?

埃里克:这就会意味着我搞砸了我一生所追求的事业。

大卫:这对你来讲又意味着什么?

埃里克:这将意味着我就是个失败者,我一钱不值,我的人生将一无是处。


In this brief dialogue, Eric showed that he believed it would be terrible to be disapproved of or to make a mistake or to fail. He seemed convinced that if one person looked down on him then everyone would. It was as if the word REJECT would suddenly be stamped on his forehead for everyone to see. He seemed to have no sense of self-esteem that was not contingent upon approval and/or success. He measured himself by the way others looked at him and by what he had achieved. If his cravings for approval and accomplishment were not satisfied, Eric sensed he would be nothing because there would be no true support from within.

在这个简短的对话中,埃里克说出了他的想法:他认为被否定,或是犯错误,或是失败,将是个非常糟糕的事。他似乎坚信只要有一个人瞧不起他,那么所有人都会瞧不起他,就仿佛他脑门上会盖上“残次品”的印章一样。他的自尊似乎仅取决于是否受到认可或是取得成功。他对自身的衡量只取决于他人如何看待自己,以及自己获得了什么成就。如果他对于他人认可和自身成就的追求没有得到满足,他会觉得自己一无是处,因为他会丧失内心对自己的支持。


If you feel that Eric’s perfectionistic drive for achievement and approval is self-defeating and unrealistic, you are right. But to Eric, this drive was realistic and reasonable. If you are now depressed or have ever been depressed, you may find it much harder to recognize the illogical thinking patterns which cause you to look down on yourself. In fact, you are probably convinced that you really are inferior or worthless. And any suggestion to the contrary is likely to sound foolish and dishonest.

如果你认为埃里克对于成就和认可的苛刻追求是不切实际,自讨苦吃,那你是正确的。但是对于埃里克来说,这种内心追求就是真实且合理的。如果你现在是抑郁的或曾经抑郁过,那你会发现,能认识到自己思维方式的不合逻辑之处,导致了自己看轻自己,是非常困难的。实际上,你可能会确信自己是真的逊色于别人或是没有价值,而且,任何与此相悖的建议对你来说都听起来既愚蠢又虚假。


Unfortunately, when you are depressed you may not be alone in your conviction about your personal inadequacy. In many cases you will be so persuasive and persistent in your maladaptive belief that you are defective and no good, you may lead your friends, family, and even your therapist into accepting this idea of yourself. For many years psychiatrists have tended to buy into” the negative self-evaluation system of depressed individuals without probing the validity of what the patients are saying about themselves.

不幸的是,当你抑郁的时候,可能会不止你一人相信你是有缺陷的。在很多案例中,病人对自认为的自身缺陷的病态认知是如此的坚持,如此的有说服力,以至于他们的朋友、家人,甚至是他们的心理医生都会接受这个观点。很多年以来,精神病专家在未经验证病人对自身的描述的情况下,就常常相信了“抑郁患者的负面自我评价体系”。


The way a therapist handles your feelings of inadequacy is crucial to the cure, as your sense of worthlessness is a key to depression. The question also has considerable philosophical relevance—is human nature inherently defective? Are depressed patients actually facing the ultimate truth about themselves? And what, in the final analysis, is the source of genuine self-esteem? This, in my opinion, is the most important question you will ever confront.

对于治愈你自认为的自身缺陷而言,心理医生的处置方法是至关重要的,因为有关抑郁症的重要一点就是你对于自身一无是处的看法。这个话题和哲学也很有关系:人是否天生就是有缺陷的?抑郁的病人是不是在审示着最真实的自我呢?自尊的源头到底是什么?我认为这是你面对的最重要的问题。


First, you cannot earn worth through what you do. Achievements can bring you satisfaction but not happiness. Self-worth based on accomplishments is a “pseudo-esteem,” not the genuine thing! My many successful but depressed patients would all agree. Nor can you base a valid sense of self-worth on your looks, talent, fame, or fortune. Marilyn Monroe, Mark Rothko, Freddie Prinz, and a multitude of famous suicide victims attest to this grim truth. Nor can love, approval, friendship, or a capacity for close, caring human relationships add one iota to your inherent worth. The great majority of depressed individuals are in fact very much loved, but it doesn’t help one bit because self-love and self-esteem are missing. At the bottom line, only your own sense of self-worth determines how you feel.

首先,你不能从自己的所作所为中获取任何价值,你的成就可以带给你满足感,但带不来幸福感。基于成就的自尊只是“伪自尊”。我很多虽然成功但是抑郁的病人会同意这一点。你的相貌、天赋、名声和财产无法给你带来自我价值。很多有名的自杀者都验证了这个灰暗的现实,如:玛丽·莲梦露、马克·荣可、弗雷迪·普林茨。爱、认可、友谊或建立亲密关怀的人际关系的能力也无法给你的内在价值增加哪怕一点点。绝大多数抑郁的病人事实上都是非常被关爱的,但是因为他们的自爱和自尊是缺失的,外界的关爱并没有什么作用。简单来说,只有你自己对自我价值的想法才能决定你的感受。


“so,” you may now be asking with some exasperation, “how do I get a sense of self-worth? The fact is, I feel damn inadequate, and I’m convinced I’m really not as good as other people. I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to change those rotten feelings because that’s the way I basically am.”

此时你或许会愤愤的问到“那么我到底怎么获得自我价值?我就是认为自己很差劲,我坚信我就是逊于别人。我就是这样的人,不管我什么都改变不了我这些有毒的想法。”


One of the cardinal features of cognitive therapy is that it stubbornly refuses to buy into your sense of worthlessness. In my practice I lead my patients through a systematic reevaluation of their negative self-image. I raise the same question over and over again: “Are you really right when you insist that somewhere inside you are essentially a loser?”

认知疗法的一个主要特点是,我们要坚持不懈地拒绝相信病人认为自己无价值的想法。在我的实践中,我带领病人对他们的负面自我形象进行系统的重新评估。我一次又一次地提出同样的问题:“当你坚持认为你自己的某一方面上是个失败者时,你真的是正确的吗?”


The first step is to take a close look at what you say about yourself when you insist you are no good. The evidence you present in defense of your worthlessness will usually, if not always, make no sense.

第一步是当你坚持说自己很差劲的时候,仔细看看你对自己说了些什么。为了证明所谓的自己是无价值的论点,你提出的证据通常甚至是百分百都是说不通的。


This opinion is based on a recent study by Drs. Aaron Beck and David Braff which indicated that there is actually a formal thinking disturbance in depressed patients. Depressed individuals were compared with schizophrenic patients and with undepressed persons in their ability to interpret the meaning of a number of proverbs, such as “A stitch in time saves nine.”

这一观点是基于阿伦·贝克博士和大卫·布拉夫博士最近的一项研究,该研究表明抑郁症患者实际上存在一种形式上的思维障碍。研究对比了不同群体对一些谚语的解读能力,例如“小洞不补、大洞吃苦”,被比较的群体包括抑郁症患者、精神分裂症患者和不抑郁的人。


In practical terms the study indicated that during periods of depression you lose some of your capacity for clear thinking; you have trouble putting things into proper perspective. Negative events grow in importance until they dominate your entire reality—and you can’t really tell that what is happening is distorted. It all seems very real to you. The illusion of hell you create is very convincing.

这项研究的实践表明,抑郁症患者缺失了清晰思考的能力,无法正确看待事物。在抑郁症患者认知中,负面的想法愈加严重直至主宰他们对现实的看法,到那时,他们就无法判断事物是扭曲的了,因为对他们来说都是真实的,他们所创造出来的地狱般的幻觉对他们而言很有说服力。


The more depressed and miserable you feel, the more twisted your thinking becomes. And, conversely, in the absence of mental distortion, you cannot experience low self-worth or depression!

你越感到沮丧和痛苦,你的思想就变得越扭曲。然而,在没有心理扭曲的情况下,你反而不会有低自我价值感或抑郁。


What types of mental errors do you make most generally when you look down on yourself? A good place to begin is with the list of distortions you began to master in Chapter 3. The most usual mental distortion to look out for when you are feeling worthless is all-or-nothing thinking. If you see life only in such extreme categories, you will believe your performance will be either great or terrible—nothing else will exist. As a salesman told me, “Achieving 95 percent or better of my goal for monthly sales is acceptable. Ninety-four percent or below is the equivalent of total failure.”

当你看不起自己的时候,你通常会犯哪些类型的心理错误?你可以尝试掌握在第三章中心理扭曲的清单,这会是一个不错的开始。当你觉得自己毫无价值时,最常见的心理扭曲就是“要么全有,要么全无”的想法。如果你把生活看得如此的极端,你会认为自己的表现要么是很精彩的,要么是很糟糕的,没有中间的的地带。正如一位销售员告诉我说,”实现95%或更高的月度销售目标是可以接受的。94%及以下相当于完全失败。”


Overcoming the Sense of Worthlessness

克服无价值感

By now you might be saying, “Okay, I can see that there is a certain illogic which lurks behind the sense of worthlessness. At least for some people. But they are basically winners; they’re not like me. You seem to be treating famous physicians and successful businessmen. Anyone could have told you that their lack of self-esteem was illogical. But I really am a mediocre nothing. Others are, in fact, better looking and more popular and successful than I am. So what can I do about it? Nothing, that’s what! My feeling of worthlessness is very valid. It’s based on reality, so there is little consolation in being told to think logically. I don’t think there’s any way to make these awful feelings go away unless I try to fool myself, and you and I both know that won’t work.” Let me first show you a couple of popular approaches, used by many therapists, which I feel do not represent satisfactory solutions to your problem of worthlessness. Then I’ll show you some approaches that will make sense and help you.

现在你可能会说,“好吧,我知道在无价值感的背后隐藏着某些不合逻辑的东西。至少对某些人来说是这样。但是他们还是和我完全不同的人生赢家,就好像你治疗的那些有名的医生和成功的商人,他们任何一个都可能告诉你他们自尊的缺乏是不合逻辑的。但是我只是一个彻底的庸才,事实上,其他人要么比我好看,要么比我更受欢迎。而我又该怎么办呢?我无能为力,这就是问题所在。我的无价值感是如此的真实,它基于现实产生,所以告诉我要有逻辑地思考根本无济于事。我不认为有什么方法可以帮我驱除这些糟糕的感觉,除非自我欺骗,而你我都深知这是做不到的。”那么首先让我来示范一些比较受欢迎的方式。尽管这些方式被很多治疗师采用,但是我认为并不能有效解决你的无价值感的问题。然后我再会告诉你一些真正有效、有帮助的方法。


In keeping with the belief that there is some deep truth in your conviction you are basically worthless, some psychotherapists may allow you to ventilate these feelings of inadequacy during a therapy session. There is undoubtedly some benefit to getting such feelings off your chest. The cathartic release may sometimes, but not always, result in a temporary mood elevation. However, if the therapist does not provide objective feedback about the validity of your self-evaluation, you may conclude that he agrees with you. And you may be right! You may, in fact, have fooled him as well as yourself! As a result, you probably will feel even more inadequate.

为了与扎根在你内心认为自我毫无价值的信念相一致,一些心理治疗师会要求你在治疗过程中释放出这些不舒服的感觉。毫无疑问,宣泄这些情绪是颇有裨益的。这种宣泄有时候会让你获得短暂的情绪高昂,但也并非总是如此。然而,如果心理治疗师无法对你自我评价的有效性提供客观的反馈,你可能会认为他同意你的观点。而你可能是对的!事实上,你甚至可能像自我欺骗一样欺骗他。这样的结果就是,你可能会更加的无所适从。


Just as emotional ventilation for its own sake is usually not enough to overcome the sense of worthlessness, insight and psychological interpretation generally don’t help either. For example, Jennifer was a writer who came for treatment for panic she experienced before publication of her novel. In the first session she told me, “I have been to several therapists. They have told me that my problem is perfectionism and impossible expectations and demands on myself. I also have learned that I probably picked up this trait from my mother, who is compulsive and perfectionistic. She can find nineteen things wrong with an incredibly clean room. I always tried to please her, but rarely felt I succeeded no matter how well I did. Therapists have told me, ‘Stop seeing everyone as your mother! Stop being so perfectionistic.’ But how do I do this? I’d like to, I want to, but no one ever was able to tell me how to go about it.”

正如情感交流本身通常不足以克服无价值感一样,自我洞察和心理解读通常也无济于事。举例来说,詹妮弗是一个作家,在她的小说出版之前,曾经因为恐慌来接受过治疗。治疗初期她告诉我说,“我咨询过很多心理治疗师。他们只是告诉我我的问题是因为完美主义和对自我要求的无法实现的期待造成的。甚至这些症状可能源于我的母亲,一个有强迫症倾向和完美主义的人。她可以在一个无比整洁的房间发现十九件放错的东西。我一直在试图讨好她,但是无论我如何努力都不能成功。治疗师告诉我,不要把所有人都当做你的母亲!不要一直坚持完美主义。但是我应该怎么做?我愿意去尝试,想要去努力,但是没有人能告诉我如何去做。”


Jennifer’s complaint is one I hear nearly every day in my practice. Pinpointing the nature or origin of your problem may give you insight, but usually fails to change the way you act. That is not surprising. You have been practicing for years and years the bad mental habits that helped create your low self-esteem. It will take systematic and ongoing effort to turn the problem around. 

詹妮弗的抱怨在我治疗实践的过程中几乎天天都在发生。找到问题的本质或者根源可能会给你启发,但是并不能改变你的行为,这一点也不奇怪。你已经在长年累月中不断践行那些导致自尊心受挫的坏习惯,而要扭转这个问题,同样需要系统和持续的努力。


Since ventilation of emotions and insight—the two staples of the standard psychotherapeutic diet—won’t help, what will? As a cognitive therapist, I have three aims in dealing with your sense of worthlessness: a rapid and decisive transformation in the way you think, feel, and behave. These results will be brought about in a systematic training program that employs simple concrete methods you can apply on a daily basis. If you are willing to commit some regular time and effort to this program, you can expect success proportionate to the effort you put in.

既然情感和自省-精神治疗标准食谱的两大方法-都无济于事的话,什么才有用呢?作为一名认知心理治疗师,在治疗无价值感方面我有三个主要的目标:在思维,感觉和行为上迅速果断的转变。实现这个目的则需要采用一个系统的训练项目,基于日常生活采用简单具体的方法。如果你愿意在这个项目上投入一定的时间和精力,必将得偿所愿。


Are you willing? If so, we’ve come to the beginning. You’re about to take the first crucial step toward an improved mood and self-image.

你准备好了吗?如果准备好的话,我们将要开始,迈向改善情绪和自我形象最关键的第一步。


I have developed many specific and easily applied techniques that can help you develop your sense of worth. As you read the following sections, keep in mind that simply reading them is not guaranteed to bolster your self-esteem—at least not for long. You will have to work at it and practice the various exercises. In fact, I recommend that you set some time aside each day to work at improving your self-image because only in this way can you experience the fastest and most enduring personal growth.

我创造过很多简单有效的可以帮助你培养价值感的方法。当你在浏览以下部分的时候,请谨记只是简单地阅读并不能确保激发你的自尊-至少长久看来不会。你需要不断的实践和练习。事实上,我更推荐你每天设置一定的时间来努力提升你的自我形象,因为只有这样,你才能够获得最快速最持久的个人成长。


Specific Methods for Boosting Self-Esteem

激发自尊的具体方法

1. Talk Back to That Internal Critic! A sense of worthlessness is created by your internal self-critical dialogue. It is self-degrading statements, such as“I’m no damn good,” “I’m a shit,” “I’m inferior to other people,” and so on, that create and feed your feelings of despair and poor self-esteem. In order to overcome this bad mental habit, three steps are necessary:

    a. Train yourself to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts as they go through your mind;

    b. Learn why these thoughts are distorted; and

    c. Practice talking back to them so as to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system.

1. 反驳内心的批评!无价值感根植于你内在关于自我批评的对话。正是这些诸如“我太差了”“我毫无价值”“我不如他人”等等自我贬低的评价创造和哺育了你的绝望感和自卑。为了克服这个坏习惯,你需要采取以下三个步骤:

a. 当自我批判的想法浮现脑海的时候,训练自己去识别他们并将它们写下来;

b. 审视这些想法扭曲的原因;

c. 尝试和这些想法对话,从而建立一个更加实际的自我评价体系


One effective method for accomplishing this is the “triple-column technique.” Simply draw two lines down the center of a piece of paper to divide it into thirds. Label the left-hand column“Automatic Thoughts (Self-Criticism),” the middle column “Cognitive Distortion,” and the right-hand column “Rational Response (Self-Defense).” In the left-hand column write down all those hurtful self-criticisms you make when you are feeling worthless and down on yourself.

完成这个目标一个行之有效的方法是“三栏技巧”。简单来说就是在一张纸的中间画两条直线将纸分成三个部分。左边的栏目标记为“自动思维(自我批评)”,中间一栏为“认知扭曲”,右边的栏目为“理性反馈(自我辩护)”。在左边的栏目中写下你在感到自己一无是处时批评自己的全部内容。


Suppose, for example, you suddenly realize you’re late for an important meeting. Your heart sinks and you’re gripped with panic. Now ask yourself,“What thoughts are going through my mind right now? What am I saying to myself? Why is this upsetting me?” Then write these thoughts down in the left-hand column.

设想一下,举个例子来说,你突然发现你参加一个重要的会议迟到了,你的内心突然一沉,惊恐不已。现在问问你自己,“我此刻脑海里在想些什么?我在对自己说什么?为什么这件事会让我失望?”然后在左边的栏目里写下这些想法。


You might have been thinking, “I never do anything right,” and “I’m always late.” Write these thoughts down in the left-hand column and number them. You might also have thought, “Everyone will look down at me. This shows what a jerk I am.” Just as fast as these thoughts cross your mind, jot them down. Why? Because they are the very cause of your emotional upset. They rip away at you like knives tearing into your flesh. I’m sure you know what I mean because you’ve felt it.

你可能会在想“我从来没有做对过任何事”,以及“我总是迟到”。那么在左边的栏目里写下这些想法并且为他们编号。你可能还会想到“每个人都会看不起我,这充分证明了我是一个混蛋。”在这些想法掠过你的脑海的时候,尽快写下来。为什么?正是因为他们是你情感受伤的根源。他们就像刀子一样撕裂着你的内心。我相信你知道我的意思,因为你真实地感受过这种想法。

What’s the second step? You already began to prepare for this when you read Chapter 3. Using the list of ten cognitive distortions (page 42), see if you can identify the thinking errors in each of your negative automatic thoughts. For instance, “I never do anything right” is an example of overgeneralization. Write this down in the middle column. 

第二步是什么呢?当你在阅读第三章的时候你已经开始为之作准备了。利用第42页列出来的10种认知扭曲,看看自己能否找出你消极的无意识思维中的错误。例如,“我从来没有做过正确的事”就是一个过度概括的例子,在中间这一栏中写下来。


You are now ready for the crucial step in mood transformation—substituting a more rational, less upsetting thought in the right-hand column. You do not try to cheer yourself up by rationalizing or saying things you do not believe are objectively valid. Instead, try to recognize the truth. If what you write down in the Rational Response column is not convincing and realistic, it won’t help you one bit. Make sure you believe in your rebuttal to self-criticism. This rational response can take into account what was illogical and erroneous about your self-critical automatic thought.

现在你已经为情绪转变的关键步骤做好了准备-在右边栏目中重建一个更加理性,更少失望的想法。你无需尝试通过为一些事情找理由或者一些你不相信的客观有效的事实来帮助自己振作起来。反之,尝试去辨识真相。如果你在理性反馈栏目中写下的无法令你信服也毫不现实,这将毫无帮助。确保你相信你对自我批评的反驳,这种理性的回馈可以将你自我评判的自动思维中不合逻辑和错误的部分充分考虑进去。


For example, in answer to “I never do anything right,” you could write,“Forget that! I do some things right and some wrong, just like everyone else. I fouled up on my appointment, but let’s not blow this up out of proportion.”

举例来说,在回答“我从来没有做过正确的事情”的时候,你可以写下,“忘掉这些想法,有些事我做得对,有些事做得错,和其他人一样。我把约会搞砸了,但是这并不需要小题大做。”


Suppose you cannot think of a rational response to a particular negative thought. Then just forget about it for a few days and come back to it later. You will usually be able to see the other side of the coin. As you work at the triple-column technique for fifteen minutes every day over a period of a month or two, you will find it gets easier and easier. Don’t be afraid to ask other people how they would answer an upsetting thought if you can’t figure out the appropriate rational response on your own.

假如你对某个特别的消极想法无法作出理性的反馈,那么暂时忘掉它几天,之后再重新思考。通常情况下你会发现事情好转了。在一两个月的期限中,每天花费15分钟尝试这个三栏技巧,你会发现事情变得越来越简单,如果你自己无法对某个消极的想法作出合理且理性的回馈,不要害怕去询问他人。


One note of caution: Do not use words describing your emotional reactions in the Automatic Thought column. Just write the thoughts that created the emotion. For example, suppose you notice your car has a flat tire. Don’t write“I feel crappy” because you can’t disprove that with a rational response. The fact is, you do feel crappy. Instead, write down the thoughts that automatically flashed through your mind the moment you saw the tire; for example, “I’m so stupid—I should have gotten a new tire this last month,” or“Oh, hell! This is just my rotten luck!” Then you can substitute rational responses such as “It might have been better to get a new tire, but I’m not stupid and no one can predict the future with certainty.” This process won’t put air in the tire, but at least you won’t have to change it with a deflated ego.

需要提醒的是:不要在自动思维一栏中使用描述你情绪反应的词汇,只需写下激发情绪的想法。例如,假设你注意到你的车子爆胎了,不要写“我觉得糟透了”,因为你无法用理性的回答来反驳。事实上,你确实感觉糟透了。反之,写下当你看到爆胎的时候脑海中自动闪过的想法,例如,“我太愚蠢了-我应该这个月就买一个新的轮胎”或者“见鬼,我真的太倒霉了!”然后你才会做出一些理性的回馈,诸如“换一个新的轮胎可能会改善这个情况,但是我并不愚蠢,没有人可以准确的预知未来。”这个过程虽然不会给轮胎打气,但是至少你不会带着一颗泄气的心情去更换轮胎。




  • 本文摘自《伯恩斯新情绪疗法》( Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy)一书

  • 图片来源瑞典摄影师Kersti K


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