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不只是朋友,仅仅是朋友

不只是朋友,仅仅是朋友

我们翻译这篇文章的理由

借着剧的风头,今天我们选取了《纽约时报》Modern Love板块的读者来稿作为推送内容。这个故事在“摩登”的今时今日是如此真实平淡,实在谈不上会泛起巨大的情爱涟漪;那只不过是一种任谁都可能遇到、都可能做出相似选择的温柔片刻,使我们在滚滚洪流中以全新的形式获得短暂的,爱的喘息。这跟遗憾,实在毫无关系。

——糖消

👇

不只是朋友,仅仅是朋友

作者:Justin Race

译者:邓舒丹

校对:刘 蕊

策划:邓舒丹 & 糖消

Words With (I Wish We Were More Than) Friends

与友猜词——我希望我们不止是朋友

Her OkCupid profile mentioned that she was really good at Scrabble, so I sent her a message challenging her to a game of Words With Friends. “Loser buys the winner coffee,” I wrote. “You game?”

她在OkCupid简介里提到自己非常擅长猜字游戏,所以我发了一条信息,邀请她挑战“与友猜词”。又说,“输的人请赢家喝咖啡,你接受挑战吗?”

She accepted but told me coffee wasn’t possible; she was in China for the school year teaching English and wouldn’t be back until July. It was now January.

她答应了,但是咖啡是不可能了,因为她在中国教英语,七月才回美国。当时是一月。

I had moved to Reno from Washington, D.C., six months earlier to take a job at the University of Nevada and was having trouble meeting people. Over those months, I had messaged more than 60 women and heard back from only six, leading to zero dates. So it seemed cruelly fitting that the first woman I really connected with had moved to China. But hey, a good Words With Friends partner can be even harder to find than love.

六个月前,我从华盛顿哥伦比亚特区搬到里诺,准备在内华达大学任职。和人约会对我来说很困难。在那几个月里,我给六十个女人发过信息,其中有六个人回复,没有一次约会。我第一次真正交往的女友在中国,这两件事有着一种残忍的契合。但是,话说回来,一个好的猜字游戏伙伴可能比爱情更难得。

Later that evening, she challenged me to a game, at 6 p.m. for me, 9 a.m. for her. An odd first date: half a world between us, sitting on my couch with phone in hand, looking for bingos and hoping to draw an “S” or a blank. Play a move, send a message. Repeat.

傍晚过后,她发起游戏挑战,我这里是下午六点,她那里是早上九点。一个奇怪的初次约会:我们之间隔着半个地球,我坐在沙发上,拿着手机,眼睛在屏幕上寻找卡片,希望可以抽到“S”或者空白。走一步,发一条短信。不断重复。

We were evenly matched. I barely won our first game. Soon we were playing two games at once and chatting in both, two entirely different conversational threads — one serious and the other playful. We kept this up for six straight hours. At one point, I had to slide my couch closer to an outlet because my battery was at 2 percent. Like any good first date, I didn’t want it to end.

我俩势均力敌,第一次一起玩游戏,我差点就输了。不久我们开始玩两款游戏,同时在两款游戏里对话,两条完全不一样的聊天主线— 一个严肃,一个轻快。我们连续玩了六个小时。期间,我不得不将沙发移近插座口,因为电量只剩百分之二了。像任何美好的初次约会,我不想它结束。

We talked about everything from our childhood pets (her rats, Mr. Peepers and Tefnut, and my dog, Inky) to my fanciful dream of one day running a retirement home for animals: geriatric cows and octogenarian pigs happily living out their golden years with nothing whatsoever expected from them. She told me the worst gift she had ever given a boyfriend was a giant Hershey bar. I confessed that I’m more likely to cry during a movie trailer than while watching the actual movie. I told her I always botch clichés — “It’s not like it’s rocket surgery.”

我们无话不谈,从童年的宠物(她的老鼠,Miss Pepper and Tefnut,我的狗,Inky)到我幻想有一天开一家动物养老院:让年老的猪牛快乐地度过它们的金色暮年,不受任何人的伤害。她告诉我,她送给男友最糟糕的礼物是一块巨大的巧克力.我承认看电影预告片比电影本身更可能让我感动到哭。我告诉她我总是混用老生常谈的话——“这又不是披棘斩荆的事儿(注:披荆斩棘)”。

Falling asleep that night, happier than I’d felt in some time, I wondered if I was being catfished. Those six hours had been too good, the kind of night you dream about, and then suddenly the sun is rising.Ridiculous, flirtatious or serious — whatever the topic, it was always easy.

晚上睡觉的时候,我感到自己比过去一段时间更快乐,我想自己是不是被骗了。那六个小时过于美好,那样的夜晚只有梦里才会有,然后,突然太阳升起了。无论什么话题——荒唐的,轻佻的,或严肃的,总是很容易。

It’s not rocket science: it is used to say that you don’t think that something is very difficult to do or to understand.

近义:It’s not brain surgery

The brain surgeon and rocket scientist are often held as the benchmark for careers that require high intelligence and skills.

The next night was no different, and I realized I had to start getting this down on paper. When a game ended, our chats from that game ended with it. Every 45 minutes or so, everything would disappear, and I wanted to preserve all of it, proof that such things are possible, and at any age.

第二天晚上,我们照常玩游戏,聊天,我意识到必须把这些对话写到纸上。游戏一结束,我们的聊天记录也就随之消失了。每四十五分钟左右,一切都会杳无痕迹,我想保留着它们来证明,无论在什么年纪这样的故事是可能的。

After a week, I told my best friend back East what was happening. She told me a story about a co- worker who had an online relationship with a woman for two years. Now they are married. I laughed it off and thanked her, but I told her I had no illusions.

一周后,我把这件事讲给了住在东部的挚友。她告诉我,她的同事和一个女人网恋了两年。现在他们结婚了。我一笑置之,对她表示感谢,但是告诉她我不抱有幻想。

We were always brutally honest about our future, namely in agreeing there wasn’t one. It wasn’t even clear that she was coming back to Reno; she would go wherever she managed to land a job. We were a most pleasant distraction for each other, but school would eventually resume for her, and I’d eventually meet someone in Reno. On the Words With Friends board, we were both masters of the endgame, but there didn’t seem to be any endgame for us in real life.

对于未来,我们直白而坦诚,认为两个人不可能在一起。我甚至不知道她会回里诺;哪里能够找到工作,她就去哪儿。我们是彼此最愉快的干扰,但是新学期终究还是会开始,而我最终将在里诺和别人约会。在“与友猜词”的排行榜上,我们都是终局大师,但是,在现实中,我们似乎没有结局。

I also knew that it was the baked-in distance and the impossibility of a date that had allowed me to fall so deeply in the first place. In person, I’m typically so shy in romantic situations that I can barely make eye contact with someone I’ve just met. With her, I felt free to open myself up entirely.

我知道,一开始是难以逾越的距离和不能实现的约会让我全心投入。我在和异性约会时非常害羞,几乎不能直视一个刚遇见的人。对于她,我却能够完全地敞开自己。

Two weeks in, after playing and chatting four to six hours every night, she warned me that she was meeting her father in South Korea the coming weekend and wouldn’t be around to keep up our nightly ritual. It’s strange to miss someone you have never actually met. In the morning, I awoke to a message she had sent from the airport, waiting out a delay. This single message meant more to me than the thousands of others we had exchanged.

我们每晚花四到六个小时聊天打游戏,两周后,她说下周去韩国见她的父亲,不能继续我们每晚的活动了。思恋一个你从来没有见过的人很奇怪。我醒来看到她在机场发来的消息,飞机晚点了。对于我来说,这一条消息的意义远胜于我们之前的千言万语。

When I took my first business trip as a single man a few years earlier, I remember wishing I had someone to text from the airport. I had internalized the idea that love is having someone who cares about every utterly benign detail of your travel.

几年前,单身,第一次出差,我记得那时希望有一个人,一个我可以在机场发消息给她的人。在我心里,爱情是有一个人关心你在旅途中的每一个平常细节。

“I made it!” I wanted to tap out. “Man, I think I parked in the furthest possible spot.” “The line at security is insane — is it spring break or something?” “Ok, at my gate!” “Boarding!” “Shutting down now, about to take off :).”

我想发送“我成功了!”“老天,我把车停在了最远的停车场” “安检处人山人海-——这是春假还是别的什么情况?”“好了,我到登机口了!”“登机!”“要关机了,马上起飞:)。”

All those imagined texts with no recipient. It stung even more when my plane touched down several hours later with nobody to tell I’d arrived safely.

没有人接收所有这些想象中的消息。几个小时后飞机落地,我感到更加悲伤了,因为我甚至没有一个人可以告诉,我已经安全抵达。

Our three days “apart” didn’t stall anything. After she returned, we slid right back into our routine of increasingly intimate disclosures. The times we each tried to rescue a hurt animal we came across. The worst thing I did as a kid that I still feel guilty about. Growing up in broken homes. Worst dating experience. Favorite sex position. Ever fake an orgasm?

我们三天的“分别”没有改变任何事。她回来后,我们马上进入原来的模式,并且更加亲密地吐露真情。我们曾经救助受伤的动物。童年时期做过最坏的、至今都感到很愧疚的事情。生长在支离破碎的家庭。最糟糕的约会经历。最喜欢的性爱姿势。有假装过高潮吗?

She agreed with me that the biggest commitment either of us could ever make would be combining our libraries, and that we probably shouldn’t take that step until we had at least two kids.

她和我一致认同,把自己的书和另一个人的书混合放置是我们能够承诺的极限,除非我们至少有了两个孩子,否则可能不应该走这一步。

One night, I told her my memory is extremely selective: I’ll remember she played the clarinet until sixth grade, yet consistently forget her birthday. It turned out that very day was her birthday. By that point, we had long stopped being surprised at the freakish number of coincidences. Fittingly and as promised, I don’t remember what day that was.

一天晚上,我告诉她,我的记忆非常具有选择性:我会记得六年级之后她不再吹单簧管了,但却始终记不起她的生日。结果那天正是她的生日。巧合出奇的多,我们已不再感到惊讶了。恰巧,我确实也记不起那是哪天了。

Another night, I pre-emptively apologized and told her not to hate me, then played “eutaxies” — a triple word bingo with the “x” on a triple letter for 227 points. She messaged me a considerable growl, and five minutes later I went to bed with a smug grin plastered across my face. I took a screen shot of my play, printed it out and proudly showed my three interns the next day at work. It still hangs in my office today.

另一个晚上,我提前道歉,让她不要恨我,然后打出“eutaxies”—一张三倍字卡片,三倍字上是“x”,代表227分。她发了一个非常生气的表情,五分钟后,我上床睡觉,得意地咧着嘴笑。我把那一步截了图,打印出来,第二天工作时,骄傲地展示给我的三个实习生。直到今天,那幅图还挂在我的办公室里。

And then, as I had long feared, something shifted. Two games at once turned into one. Our six-hour chat sessions dwindled to five, then four, then three. Eventually we played a full game without either of us sending a message.

后来,正如我一直所担心的那样,一些事情改变了。两款游戏变成了一款。我们的聊天时间从六个小时变成五个,四个,三个小时。最后,我们一言不发打完整场游戏。

At one point, I gathered my courage and asked if I’d said anything wrong. She was quick to assure me I hadn’t.

终于,我鼓起勇气问她是不是我说错了什么话。她立即回复,肯定地告诉我,我没有说错任何话。

Yes, there were other factors at play. Her teaching break had ended, and she was back at work. That same day, my mother called to tell me her breast cancer had come back and she was having a mastectomy. Three days later, my father ended up in the hospital with a blood clot — a complication from leukemia. Still, if there was ever a week when I could have used six hours of nightly companionship, that was it.

的确,把我们分开的是其它事情。暑假结束了,她要开始工作。同一天,我的母亲打电话过来,告诉我她的乳腺癌复发,马上做乳房切除手术。三天后,父亲因为血栓住院——由白血病引起的并发症。但是,就算我有一周的时间可以用在每晚的陪伴上,我们依然无法挽回爱情。

We stretched it out for another few weeks, playing a single move per day accompanied by a single chat, neither of us willing to concede the end. One night, I sent her a message thanking her for the last two months, letting her know that however unorthodox it had been, I had loved every minute. She told me she felt exactly the same.

我们维持了几周,每天玩一局游戏,聊一句,不愿承认我们已经结束了的事实。一天晚上,我发去消息,感谢她过去两个月的陪伴,让她知道,尽管这种交往方式很不寻常,但我深爱着(和她度过的)每分每秒。她说她也是。

One day, we started what would be our final game. We each played a move. The next day, she didn’t play. Nor the day after. Ten days passed before Words With Friends automatically killed the game. The last time I saw her screen name was with the message, “They Timed Out.”

一天,我们开始两人的最后一场游戏。各赢一局。第二天,她不在。第三天,也不在。等到“与友猜词”自动取消了游戏时,十天已经过去。我最后看她屏幕上的名字时,上面显示着 “他们已超时。”

Midsummer is when she was due to return to the States, but I don’t know if she ever did. July was also my one-year anniversary in Reno. Yet my happiest memories here have nothing to do with Nevada or the mountains or the university. They are of me sitting on my couch furiously tapping away on a three- inch screen to a woman on the other side of the world, a woman I know both intimately and not at all.

仲夏时分是她按照计划回美国的日子,但是我不知道她回来没有。七月,离我来到里诺刚好一年。但是,我最美好的记忆与内华达无关,与(这里的)山、 (这里的)大学都没有关系。我最美好的记忆是坐在沙发上,在三寸屏幕上飞快地打字,把消息发送给在世界另一端的那个女人,那个我所熟悉的,却又一无所知的女人。

I know how she felt when staring into the eyes of a buffalo up close. I know she would love to see “Owl Jeopardy,” where every response starts with “Whoooo.” I know she gets mildly aroused talking about compound miter saws and has a weird thing for hands and likes to sing songs about her cat.

我知道她近距离盯着水牛眼睛时的感受。我知道她想去见“Owl Jeopardy”,那里的每次回答都以“whoooo”开始。我知道谈论复合斜接锯会微微挑起她的性欲,她对手有种癖好,喜欢歌唱她的猫。

But I don’t know what she looks like when she sleeps. I don’t know the sound of her voice or the feel of her hair. I don’t even know her last name.

但是,我不知道她睡觉的时候是什么样子。我不知道她的声音是什么样,她头发的触感。我甚至不知道她姓什么。

👇

点评

今天是12月的第一天,2019年最后一个月的开头。在这魔幻的后半年,我想还是有必要设置一种人为的节点和仪式来回顾生活,以及更全面地迎接生活。

在讨论选题的时候,组里非常默契的产生了两篇关于非典型性爱情的文章,一篇就是你现在看到的,还有一篇,会在下周六或周日(何时推送与我组人员懒惰程度相关)发出。非典型,因为并不与大多数人最初想象、期待的爱情的样子相符,但在今天的景观社会里,它们又是如此的典型:以各种形式相遇相识,甚至相知,然后相互道别,尽量体面。体验起来,其实遗憾的感觉会很少,反倒是持久的愉悦占了上风——这可以从偶尔想起的会心一笑完全获得。

但从另一方面来说,当我们已经很难发展并维持一段亲密关系,说明自由的程度也大大减少。文章中双方是否因为被心中的某些衡量绑住而未做出最后的抉择,我不敢妄加揣测。但对于今时今日的亲密关系来说,理想主义可以说是唯一的价值,因为所有的使用价值都被消费行为替代掉了。

当我们在谈论爱情的时候,到底在谈论些什么呢?我只知道肯定不是爱情本身。

算了,明天再想这些问题吧,现在可还是周末啊。

2019年12月1日
糖消

与你分享:

Podcast | Modern Love (如目前下架,可收听网页版节目。)

The Lonely City(OliviaLang)

翻转电台|李厚辰

不只是朋友,仅仅是朋友

  • 本文原载于 The New York Times

  • 原文链接:https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/31/fashion/modern-love-words-with-friends.html

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