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谁要养一个杀人犯


谁要养一个杀人犯



我们翻译这篇文章的理由


古人有云,“养不教,父之过。”是否真是如此?枪击案中,凶手固然罪有应得,为人父母是否也要背负骂名?司法在审判凶手的同时,社会是不是同时也在审判凶手父母?他们也是受害者之一。要知道,“全天下没有一个爸爸妈妈,要花二十年时间去养一个杀人犯。

——宋一


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当父母所爱的子女成了凶手


作者:Joe Pinsker 

译者:宋一

校对:崔颖

策划:刘蕊 & 唐萧


Many families of killers are left to sort through their confusion and shock as some assume they are to blame.
有人怪罪于凶犯家人,他们却要理清震惊和疑惑。

Last weekend, a shooter killed nine people in Dayton, Ohio, before being killed by police. The suspect was identified as Connor Betts, a 24-year-old, and among the victims was his younger sister, Megan. “It seems to just defy believability that he would shoot his own sister,” Dayton’s police chief said. “But it’s also hard to believe he didn’t recognize that was his sister, so we just don’t know.”
上周末,在俄亥俄州的代顿市(Dayton),一名枪手在被警方击毙前枪杀了九人。嫌犯确定身份为康纳·贝茨(Connor Betts),现年24岁。他的妹妹梅根(Megan)也是受害者之一。当地警长表示,“难以置信嫌犯会枪击自己的妹妹,但也很难相信他会认不出自己的妹妹,所以,我们也一头雾水。”


Many in Dayton, and in the country, are trying to comprehend the incident, not least the parents of the siblings. Having lost two children, they are left with a brutal twist on a question faced by so many other parents in the era of mass shootings: How does one make sense of having a child who has killed several people?
代顿和美国国内的许多人都想理清这桩事件,更不用提这对兄妹的父母了。他们失去了一双子女,还要忍痛和其他父母一样,在这个大规模枪击案件频发的时代回答:该如何理解自己的子女提枪杀人?


The parents of the suspected Dayton shooter have not yet issued any public statements, but the reflections of others in similar situations illustrate the many confusing emotions a parent might experience after an incident like this. Andrew Solomon, the author of Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, has had intimate conversations with multiple parents of people who committed violent crimes. In those conversations, he told me, he was struck by how different parents’ reactions could be.
虽然“代顿枪杀案”嫌犯的父母尚未对外发表声明,但类似事件中他人的反应足以说明——为人父母在这类事件后可能会经历的种种复杂情绪。《远离这棵树:子女,父母和身份的寻找》的作者安德鲁·所罗门(Andrew  Solomon)曾和一些子女犯下暴力犯罪的父母有过密切的谈话。所罗门提到,在谈话过程中,父母反应的大相径庭让他吃惊不已。


He first mentioned Sue Klebold, whose son Dylan and another teenager killed a dozen classmates and a teacher 20 years ago at Columbine High School. “When it first happened,” she told Solomon in an interview for his book, “I used to wish that I had never had children, that I had never married … But over time, I’ve come to feel that, for myself, I am glad I had kids and glad I had the kids I did, because the love for them—even at the price of this pain—has been the single greatest joy of my life.” (She was speaking of her own pain, she clarified, not the pain that others suffered because of her son.)
他先提到了苏·克莱伯德(Sue Klebold)。20年前,她儿子和一名少年在哥伦拜恩高中枪杀了12名学生和1名教师。在所罗门准备写书之前的一次采访中,她曾提到,“案件刚发生的时候,我曾经常想,我要是没结婚、没生子该多好。但随着时间慢慢流逝,我开始感觉到,对我个人来说,我很开心我生下他们,对此我真的很开心。因为,就算要忍受这种痛苦,对他们的爱是我一生中最大的快乐。”(她提到的,是案件给她本人带来的痛苦,而非其他因为自己儿子带来痛苦的人。)


Solomon told me that in speaking with Peter Lanza—the father of Adam, who killed 20 students and six educators at Sandy Hook Elementary in 2012—he saw a different way of processing a family tragedy. Lanza, as Solomon wrote, wished his son had never been born, explaining, “That didn’t come right away. That’s not a natural thing, when you’re thinking about your kid. But, God, there’s no question.”
所罗门告诉我,在和皮特·兰萨(2012年,他的儿子亚当在“桑迪·胡克小学枪击案”中杀害了20名学生和6名教师。)交谈时,他看到了另一种处理类似家庭悲剧时的方式。在书中,所罗门写道兰萨希望自己的儿子从未出生,并解释到,“太突然了。这不正常,你想的可是你的亲生子女。但是,哎!这不可能。”


In these conversations with parents, one commonality Solomon has noticed—in addition to a sense of disbelief and confusion—is that parents often dwell on who their children used to be. He recalled interviewing a mother whose child was in prison for committing a violent crime: “I said, ‘Do you miss seeing him?’ She said, ‘I don’t miss who he is at all, but I miss who he was. And I miss the person I thought he would turn out to be.”
在和父母的谈话中,所罗门发现了一个共同点,除了难以置信和困惑,父母常会沉湎于孩子昔日的模样。他回忆起和一位母亲的谈话(她的孩子因为暴力犯罪在监狱服刑),“我说,‘你想见他么?’她回答,‘我怀念的是曾经的他,而不是现在的他。我怀念的,是我心里曾以为他会变成的样子。”


The love for who a child used to be is not easily extinguished. “Parents love their kids, even though they’ve committed a horrible act,” Peter Langman, a psychologist who studies school shootings, told me. When a school shooter survives, he said, “the parents often are at the trials, visit them in prison, [and] support them in whatever way they can.”
对昔日子女的爱很难褪去。研究校园枪击的心理学家皮特·朗曼(Peter Langman)曾对我说过,“舐犊情深,即使子女罪孽深重也无法改变这个事实。”如果校园枪击的凶犯活下来,他说,“父母通常会出席审判,探监,竭尽所能支持子女。”


Trying to make sense of a child’s actions can be torturous, though. Langman pointed me to an account of a mother confronting her son, who was responsible for a 1999 shooting at Heritage High School, outside of Atlanta. She asked him several times why he didn’t take his own life, at one point saying, “I don’t know how you took innocent children but you were afraid to do anything to you. That really has me puzzled. You didn’t think twice about doing it to them.”
但想要弄明白子女的行为却是一场折磨。朗曼给我看过一位母亲就儿子1999年在亚特兰大外的海瑞学校犯下枪击案后和他的对质记录。她曾数次问他为什么不自杀。有一次还说到,“我不明白,你为什么能夺走无辜孩童的生命,却不敢了结自己?我不懂。杀人的时候你可是连眼都不眨。”


After a shooting, this sort of confusion abounds. “Everybody starts asking, What made this person do that?” Laura Wilson, a psychology professor at the University of Mary Washington, told me. “And I think the parents [of shooters] even more so are at a complete loss, because they feel like they should be able to explain it—they knew their child, probably better than most people.”
枪击案后,这种疑惑屡见不鲜。玛丽华盛顿大学的心理学教授劳拉·威尔逊(Laura Wilson)和我说,“每个人都在问,他为什么要这么做?作父母的更是手足无措,因为他们觉得自己该对此做出解释–他们了解自己的子女,至少该比大多数人更了解。”


“After these types of events, there tend to be memorial events and funds created—and rightfully so—for the victims and for the victims’ families,” Wilson went on. “But in a way, the parents [and family members] of the shooter are also experiencing a loss.”
“此类事件过后,通常会为受害者和受害者家庭成立基金和举办纪念活动–也理应如此,”威尔逊接着说。“但从某种程度来说,凶手的父母和亲人也在经历失去亲人的痛苦。”


Solomon, too, was mindful of what these parents must endure. “The general social response to the news of something like this is to presume that the child came from an awful, terrible family that somehow caused it—and families therefore feel enormous guilt for the behavior of their children,” he said. To be sure, a troubled home environment seems to be one factor of many that can put kids at risk for extreme, violent behavior. But in Solomon’s experience, in most cases, “the parents actually were pretty good, loving parents doing their best.”
所罗门也同样关心这些父母要煎熬些什么。“社会对这类新闻的通常反应,都是认为凶手家庭不幸才导致了悲剧的发生–所以,当事人家庭会对自己子女的所作所为感到羞愧难当,”所罗门说。当然,糟糕的家庭环境似乎是将孩子推向极端暴力行为的众多原因之一。但从所罗门的经验来看,在大多数案件中,“父母通常都心地善良,对自己的子女关怀备至。”


Both he and Wilson said the parents of shooters shouldn’t be cast as being at fault. “I think if we could move away from a narrative of blaming those parents,” Solomon said, “it would be a great liberation … These families deserve our compassion, rather than our disgust.”
所罗门和威尔逊都认为凶手的父母不该背负骂名。“我认为,如果我们能停止怪罪这些父母,”所罗门说,“这将是对他们的一大解脱。我们应该同情,而非唾弃他们。”


原文链接:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/08/parents-mass-school-shootings/595594/



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点评


有个纪录片叫《印度的女儿》,讲的是2012年发生在首都德里的震惊世界的黑公交轮奸案。和罪犯面容平静地讲出自己笃信的观念一样令我印象深刻的,还有罪犯家人的表情和言语。


案件的其中一名罪犯上有父母,下有妻儿,妻子抱着年幼的儿子一遍遍重复“我相信他肯定没有做这种事,是他喝醉了被那几个人硬拉去的。”而他的父母只是眼神空洞地念叨“我的儿子啊,我再也没有儿子了。”画面上飘过的弹幕无一不是“还在为人渣辩护呢,你们自己肯定也不是什么好东西!”。这种无助的人性画面和无需露脸的肆意攻击冲撞在一起,直撞出漫天的血点子,每个都光滑饱满地照出人心。在这个事件的语境来说,人在贫穷和传统中了多年,做了错事的结果使人觉得面目可憎又充满悲壮,既愤懑难平又略有不忍。可偏偏太多人放弃了复杂的陈述,用一句“该死”和“人渣”结束了全部的恻隐。而罪犯的家人因其身份特殊,要阐释清楚他们的反应,则需要更多更复杂的表达和陈述,于是也承担了更多的唾

这个世界上当然是有天然的人渣的,但这个标签也是要经过谨慎分析解读才能得出的,它不该成为一个仅凭直觉、只图方便就得出的草率结论。
 
昨天晚上我做了个梦,梦见一头熊本要吃我,结果一个人冲出来救了我,却只是吓退了熊,没有伤它。后来这人要出去,竟让熊保护我。他们两个都说话了,“不觉得我会吃了她吗?”“我留了你的命,相信你会想办法还这个情。”


2019年8月16日

唐萧






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谁要养一个杀人犯






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