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【大西洋月刊】边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重

【大西洋月刊】边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重


父母常常管教孩子的屏幕时间,却不知自己连在带孩子时都常因看手机而分心。这符合心理学上“投射”的概念,即父母把自控的失败转嫁到了孩子身上,是大人的一种心理防御机制。然而这种分心正在给孩子造成难以想象的危害,传统亲子之间的情感交流被各种电子产品干扰,孩子早期学习中至关重要的一环遭到破坏。此外,今年暑假,各地发生多起由于父母专注玩手机,没有照看好孩子,导致孩子死亡的惨剧。为人父母,是时候好好反省一下自己了。

By 泮海伦


边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重


【大西洋月刊】边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重


作者:ERIKA CHRISTAKIS

译者:泮海伦

校对:刘小康

导读笔记&推荐阅读:杨雪

策划:泮海伦 朱小钊


The Dangers of Distracted Parenting

边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重


本文选自 The Atlantic | 取经号原创翻译

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【大西洋月刊】边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重


When it comes to children’s development, parents should worry less about kids’ screen time—and more about their own.

父母长时间玩手机对儿童成长造成的危害,比孩子自己玩更值得忧虑。


Smartphones have by now been implicated in so many crummy outcomes—car fatalities, sleep disturbances, empathy loss, relationship problems, failure to notice a clown on a unicycle—that it almost seems easier to list the things they don’t mess up than the things they do. Our society may be reaching peak criticism of digital devices.

智能手机造成了种种不良后果——诱发交通事故、扰乱睡眠、减弱同理心、阻碍面对面交流,在手机面前连小丑踩独轮车的滑稽场面也黯然失色,丝毫不能引起注意。它的危害涉及方方面面,列举出尚未被它干扰的事物仿佛还比较简单。社会对电子产品的批判正达到前所未有的高度。


Even so, emerging research suggests that a key problem remains underappreciated. It involves kids’ development, but it’s probably not what you think. More than screen-obsessed young children, we should be concerned about tuned-out parents.

尽管如此,研究显示一个关键问题还是被忽视了,即电子产品对儿童成长的不良影响。但也许这个问题并非你想的那样。事实上,相比沉迷电子产品的孩子,漠视子女的父母更令人担忧。


Yes, parents now have more face time with their children than did almost any parents in history. Despite a dramatic increase in the percentage of women in the workforce, mothers today astoundingly spend more time caring for their children than mothers did in the 1960s. But the engagement between parent and child is increasingly low-quality, even ersatz. Parents are constantly present in their children’s lives physically, but they are less emotionally attuned. To be clear, I’m not unsympathetic to parents in this predicament. My own adult children like to joke that they wouldn’t have survived infancy if I’d had a smartphone in my clutches 25 years ago.

在与孩子面对面相处的时间上,当代父母的投入几乎比以往任何一代都要多。令人惊奇的是,尽管女性投身职场的比例猛增,今天的妈妈们却比20世纪60年代的妈妈们在育儿上花费了更多时间。然而,亲子互动质量正变得越来越低,有时甚至虚有其表。父母时常身伴儿女,情感上的投入却很少。这里需要澄清一点,对于父母所面临的窘境,我也感同身受。我的孩子已长大成人,但他们时常开玩笑说,要是25年前我有智能手机的话,他们早就不幸夭折了。

ersatz/’ɛrsɑts/ ADJ If you describe something as ersatz, you dislike it because it is not genuine and is a poor imitation of something better. 仿造的; 假的;虚有其表的


To argue that parents’ use of screens is an underappreciated problem isn’t to discount the direct risks screens pose to children: Substantial evidence suggests that many types of screen time (especially those involving fast-paced or violent imagery) are damaging to young brains. Today’s preschoolers spend more than four hours a day facing a screen. And, since 1970, the average age of onset of “regular” screen use has gone from 4 years to just four months.

当然,说父母使用电子产品的影响被低估了,并不是要忽视电子产品对儿童的直接伤害:大量证据表明,屏幕上的多种内容(尤其是当涉及快节奏或暴力画面时)都对幼儿大脑有害。而现在的学前儿童每天在屏幕前的时间超过4小时。自从1970年以来,幼儿惯于面对屏幕的平均年龄从4岁降到了4个月。


Some of the newer interactive games kids play on phones or tablets may be more benign than watching TV (or YouTube), in that they better mimic children’s natural play behaviors. And, of course, many well-functioning adults survived a mind-numbing childhood spent watching a lot of cognitive garbage. (My mother—unusually for her time—prohibited Speed Racer and Gilligan’s Island on the grounds of insipidness. That I somehow managed to watch every single episode of each show scores of times has never been explained.) Still, no one really disputes the tremendous opportunity costs to young children who are plugged in to a screen: Time spent on devices is time not spent actively exploring the world and relating to other human beings.

手机、平板上一些较新的互动游戏由于能模仿儿童本能的游戏行为,因而比看电视或是网络视频都更有裨益。必须承认,许多身心健全的成年人也经历了单调乏味的童年,看了大量毫无养分的电视节目。(我小时候母亲不让我看极速赛车手和吉利根岛,觉得过于无趣,这在当时并不常见。但我还是想方设法一集不落地看了那个年代的每部大热剧。)再次重申,儿童沉迷电子产品的巨大机会成本毋庸置疑:那些花在电子产品上的时间本可以用来探索未知世界、发展人际交往。


Yet for all the talk about children’s screen time, surprisingly little attention is paid to screen use by parents themselves, who now suffer from what the technology expert Linda Stone more than 20 years ago called“continuous partial attention.” This condition is harming not just us, as Stone has argued; it is harming our children. The new parental-interaction style can interrupt an ancient emotional cueing system, whose hallmark is responsive communication, the basis of most human learning. We’re in uncharted territory.

然而,对儿童使用屏幕的担忧颇多,父母自己使用电子产品的情况却鲜有人提及。20多年前技术专家琳达·斯通曾提出“持续分心”的概念,正是眼下父母们在经历的。“持续分心”不仅如斯通所说那样对我们成人有害,对儿童也有害处。传统的亲子情感交流是互动式的,这是人类大部分学习行为的基础,然而全新的育儿方式却在破坏这种情感互动,让我们陷入了未知的困境。


Child-development experts have different names for the dyadic signaling system between adult and child, which builds the basic architecture of the brain. Jack P. Shonkoff, a pediatrician and the director of Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, calls it the “serve and return” style of communication; the psychologists Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff describe a “conversational duet.” The vocal patterns parents everywhere tend to adopt during exchanges with infants and toddlers are marked by a higher-pitched tone, simplified grammar, and engaged, exaggerated enthusiasm. Though this talk is cloying to adult observers, babies can’t get enough of it. Not only that: One study showed that infants exposed to this interactive, emotionally responsive speech style at 11 months and 14 months knew twice as many words at age 2 as ones who weren’t exposed to it.

亲子间的二元信号机制创建了人脑的基础架构,儿童成长专家们对该机制有不同的命名。儿科医师、哈佛大学儿童发展中心主任杰克·宋可夫将其称为“接发球”式交流;心理学家凯茜·荷西-帕瑟克、罗伯塔·迈克尼克·戈林科夫则称之为“对话式二重唱”。各地的父母在与婴幼儿交流时采取的语言模式基本上都有以下特征:声调升高、语法简化、热情夸张而投入。尽管旁人对这种交流模式难以忍受,宝宝们却很吃这一套。不仅如此,还有研究显示,在11和14个月大的时候接触此类声情并茂的语言互动的婴儿,到两岁时掌握的词汇量是没有此类接触的同龄人的两倍。

cloying/ˈklɔɪɪŋ/ ADJ You use cloying to describe something that you find unpleasant because it is much too sweet, or too sentimental. 令人腻烦的


Child development is relational, which is why, in one experiment, nine-month-old babies who received a few hours of Mandarin instruction from a live human could isolate specific phonetic elements in the language while another group of babies who received the exact same instruction via video could not. According to Hirsh-Pasek, a professor at Temple University and a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, more and more studies are confirming the importance of conversation. “Language is the single best predictor of school achievement,” she told me, “and the key to strong language skills are those back-and-forth fluent conversations between young children and adults.”

儿童成长依赖亲属交流,这解释了一个实验的结果。在实验中,九个月大的宝宝接受了几小时的普通话现场教学后,即能区分汉语中的特定语音要素,而另一组通过录像进行相同内容学习的宝宝则做不到这点。据天普大学教授、布鲁斯金学会高级研究员荷西-帕瑟克称,越来越多的研究表明了交流的重要性。她告诉我:“语言是体现学习成绩最好的指标,而优异的语言技巧是通过父母与孩子之间你来我往、流畅无阻的交流获得的。”


A problem therefore arises when the emotionally resonant adult–child cueing system so essential to early learning is interrupted—by a text, for example, or a quick check-in on Instagram. Anyone who’s been mowed down by a smartphone-impaired stroller operator can attest to the ubiquity of the phenomenon. One consequence of such scenarios has been noted by an economist who tracked a rise in children’s injuries as smartphones became prevalent. (AT&T rolled out smartphone service at different times in different places, thereby creating an intriguing natural experiment. Area by area, as smartphone adoption rose, childhood ER visits increased.) These findings attracted a decent bit of media attention to the physical dangers posed by distracted parenting, but we have been slower to reckon with its impact on children’s cognitive development. “Toddlers cannot learn when we break the flow of conversations by picking up our cellphones or looking at the text that whizzes by our screens,” Hirsh-Pasek said.

对早期学习至关重要的亲子情感交流缺失,问题就随之而来。这种交流不是被短信打断,就是被Instagram上的新鲜事打断。被边推着婴儿车边看手机的父母铲倒过的可怜人都能证明这类事遍地开花。经济学家注意到可怕的后果之一,就是随着智能手机普及率提高,儿童的受伤几率也相应增加。(美国电话电报公司在各地分批、渐次地提供了智能手机服务,创造了极佳的实验条件。而随着各地智能手机普及率提高,儿童急诊的频率增加。)这些发现引起了媒体对父母分心导致幼儿身体伤害的大量关注,但其对儿童认知发展的影响我们还认识不足。荷西-帕瑟克说:“当大人频频拿起手机看屏幕上弹出的消息,打破了流畅的交流沟通时,幼儿从对话中就学不到东西。”


In the early 2010s, researchers in Boston surreptitiously observed 55 caregivers eating with one or more children in fast-food restaurants. Forty of the adults were absorbed with their phones to varying degrees, some almost entirely ignoring the children (the researchers found that typing and swiping were bigger culprits in this regard than taking a call). Unsurprisingly, many of the children began to make bids for attention, which were frequently ignored. A follow-up study brought 225 mothers and their approximately 6-year-old children into a familiar setting and videotaped their interactions as each parent and child were given foods to try. During the observation period, a quarter of the mothers spontaneously used their phone, and those who did initiated substantially fewer verbal and nonverbal interactions with their child.

2010年代早期,波士顿的研究人员隐秘地观察了55位在快餐店携儿童进食的监护人。40个成年人都或多或少地使用了手机,有些甚至完全忽视了孩子(研究人员发现在这种情况下打字或滑行输入是罪魁祸首,电话较少)。不出意料,很多孩子都试图夺回大人的注意力,却常常被忽视。一个跟进研究为225名母亲和她们约6岁的孩子设置了相似的场景,并把每个母亲与孩子的进食过程录了下来。在观察过程中,1/4的妈妈自发地使用了手机,这些母亲与子女的口头和非口头交流均明显较少。


Yet another rigorously designed experiment, this one conducted in the Philadelphia area by Hirsh-Pasek, Golinkoff, and Temple’s Jessa Reed, tested the impact of parental cellphone use on children’s language learning. Thirty-eight mothers and their 2-year-olds were brought into a room. The mothers were then told that they would need to teach their children two new words (blicking, which was to mean “bouncing,” and frepping, which was to mean “shaking”) and were given a phone so that investigators could contact them from another room. When the mothers were interrupted by a call, the children did not learn the word, but otherwise they did. In an ironic coda to this study, the researchers had to exclude seven mothers from the analysis, because they didn’t answer the phone, “failing to follow protocol.” Good for them!

荷西-帕瑟克、戈林科夫和天普大学的杰莎里德在费城地区开展了另一个严谨的实验,研究父母手机使用情况对孩子语言学习的影响。38位受试母亲带着她们2岁的宝宝进入一个房间。研究人员告知她们的任务是教孩子两个单词(意为“弹跳”的“blicking”和意为“颤抖”的“frepping”),并给了她们一部手机用于在另一房间里与其保持联系。结果显示,当妈妈被电话打扰时,孩子往往学不会单词,反之就能学会。而测试结束时出乎意料的是,研究人员不得不把7位妈妈排除在分析结果之外,因为她们根本就没有接电话,“未遵循实验规则”。真替她们感到高兴!


It has never been easy to balance adults’ and children’s needs, much less their desires, and it’s naive to imagine that children could ever be the unwavering center of parental attention. Parents have always left kids to entertain themselves at times—“messing about in boats,” in a memorable phrase from The Wind in the Willows, or just lounging aimlessly in playpens. In some respects, 21st-century children’s screen time is not very different from the mother’s helpers every generation of adults has relied on to keep children occupied. When parents lack playpens, real or proverbial, mayhem is rarely far behind. Caroline Fraser’s recent biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder, the author of Little House on the Prairie, describes the exceptionally ad hoc parenting style of 19th-century frontier parents, who stashed babies on the open doors of ovens for warmth and otherwise left them vulnerable to “all manner of accidents as their mothers tried to cope with competing responsibilities.” Wilder herself recounted a variety of near-calamities with her young daughter, Rose; at one point she looked up from her chores to see a pair of riding ponies leaping over the toddler’s head.

要平衡大人的需求与小孩的需求实属不易,更别提两者的欲望了。认为孩子永远是父母关注焦点的想法略显幼稚。每个年代的父母们都曾让孩子自己玩自己的,或是像《柳林风声》说的那样“在船上消磨时间”,或是在护栏里面随处闲逛。从某种层面上来说,电子产品对于21世纪的孩子们来说,作用就跟以往每一代父母用来逗趣孩子的事物一样。当缺乏“护栏”的时候,灾难也就不远了。卡罗琳·弗雷泽最近为《草原上的小木屋》的作者劳拉·英格斯·怀德写了一本传记,她在其中描述了19世纪父母放养孩子的所作所为,不是把孩子放在大开门的烤箱上取暖,就是把弱小无助的他们置于“因母亲忙于应付生活琐碎、疏于照管而引生的各种事故”中。怀德回忆了自己拉扯女儿露丝时那些有惊无险的经历:她偶然从杂务中抬起头来,恰瞥见一双小马驹跃过宝宝的头顶。

ad hoc/æd ˈhɒk/ ADJ An ad hoc activity or organization is not planned in advance, but is done or formed only because a particular situation has made it necessary. 特别的


Occasional parental inattention is not catastrophic (and may even build resilience), but chronic distraction is another story. Smartphone use has been associated with a familiar sign of addiction: Distracted adults grow irritable when their phone use is interrupted; they not only miss emotional cues but actually misread them. A tuned-out parent may be quicker to anger than an engaged one, assuming that a child is trying to be manipulative when, in reality, she just wants attention. Short, deliberate separations can of course be harmless, even healthy, for parent and child alike (especially as children get older and require more independence). But that sort of separation is different from the inattention that occurs when a parent is with a child but communicating through his or her nonengagement that the child is less valuable than an email. A mother telling kids to go out and play, a father saying he needs to concentrate on a chore for the next half hour—these are entirely reasonable responses to the competing demands of adult life. What’s going on today, however, is the rise of unpredictable care, governed by the beeps and enticements of smartphones. We seem to have stumbled into the worst model of parenting imaginable—always present physically, thereby blocking children’s autonomy, yet only fitfully present emotionally.

父母偶尔的疏忽不会酿成什么大祸(说不好还能培养孩子的适应力),但是长期分心的后果就截然不同了。智能手机使人上瘾这一点大家都不陌生:大人玩手机时如果被打断就会变得烦躁;他不仅会错过与孩子的情感交流,甚至还会误解孩子的情感需求。分心的父母比那些专心照顾孩子的父母更易怒,有时孩子只是想获得关注,却会被他们误解为闹脾气。简而言之,有意的隔离无论是对父母还是孩子都有益无害(尤其是当孩子逐渐长大,需要培养独立能力的时候)。但是这种隔离与分心不同。分心是父母明明和孩子在一起,却未全身心投入交流,仿佛孩子还没有邮件重要。成年人要应对生活压力,因此如果母亲让孩子出去玩,父亲跟孩子说他需要半小时专心做家务,都是合情合理的。现今在育儿的过程中却总有难以预料的事发生,时不时地传来手机的哔哔声,令人难以抗拒。我们仿佛陷入了一种最糟糕的育儿模式——人总是出现在孩子身边,剥夺了他们自主的机会,心却不总在孩子身上。


Fixing the problem won’t be easy, especially given that it is compounded by dramatic changes in education. More young children than ever (about two-thirds of 4-year-olds) are in some form of institutional care, and recent trends in early-childhood education have filled many of their classrooms with highly scripted lessons and dull, one-sided “teacher talk.” In such environments, children have few opportunities for spontaneous conversation.

解决这个问题还有很长一段路要走,尤其是在教育行业风云变幻的大背景下。史上最大数量的儿童(约2/3的4岁儿童)被送进了各种各样的托管机构。近期,幼儿早教趋向于照本宣科,多是由老师自说自话,沉闷乏味。在这种环境下,孩子们很少有机会进行主动交流。


One piece of good news is that young children are prewired to get what they need from adults, as most of us discover the first time our diverted gaze is jerked back by a pair of pudgy, reproaching hands. Young children will do a lot to get a distracted adult’s attention, and if we don’t change our behavior, they will attempt to do it for us; we can expect to see a lot more tantrums as today’s toddlers age into school. But eventually, children may give up. It takes two to tango, and studies from Romanian orphanages showed the world that there are limits to what a baby brain can do without a willing dance partner. The truth is, we don’t really know how much our kids will suffer when we fail to engage.

幸运的是,幼儿天生就知道如何从成人那里获取己需,这在我们第一次发现婴儿会挥舞拍打自己的小胖手来吸引大人看向别处的目光时就可见一斑了。小孩会竭尽所能让分心的大人重新把注意力放到自己身上,如果大人不自己纠正,他们就会主动出击;由此我们可以预见今天的孩子们在步入学堂之前也许会更爱闹脾气。但是徒劳无获终究会耗尽他们的耐心,一个愿打,一个也要愿挨。罗马尼亚孤儿院的研究显示,在父母不配合的情况下,靠小婴儿的脑袋能做的太有限了。现实是,成人的漠视会给孩子造成难以想象的伤害。


Of course, adults are also suffering from the current arrangement. Many have built their daily life around the miserable premise that they can always be on—always working, always parenting, always available to their spouse and their own parents and anyone else who might need them, while also staying on top of the news, while also remembering, on the walk to the car, to order more toilet paper from Amazon. They are stuck in the digital equivalent of the spin cycle.

当然在当下的境况中,大人也是有苦难言。生活像一台停不下来的机器,他们需要随时工作、育儿,满足配偶、父母甚至其他什么人的需求,还要知晓最新新闻,在走去开车的路上不忘从亚马逊上订厕纸。数字世界禁锢了他们,让他们永远得做点什么。


Under the circumstances, it’s easier to focus our anxieties on our children’s screen time than to pack up our own devices. I understand this tendency all too well. In addition to my roles as a mother and a foster parent, I am the maternal guardian of a middle-aged, overweight dachshund. Being middle-aged and overweight myself, I’d much rather obsess over my dog’s caloric intake, restricting him to a grim diet of fibrous kibble, than address my own food regimen and relinquish (heaven forbid) my morning cinnamon bun. Psychologically speaking, this is a classic case of projection—the defensive displacement of one’s failings onto relatively blameless others. Where screen time is concerned, most of us need to do a lot less projecting.

事已至此,比起收起自己手上的电子产品,担忧孩子沉迷屏幕容易多了。我深知这个道理。我不仅身兼母亲、养母之职,还是一条发福的半老腊肠犬的主人。自己就面临中年发福的我,更喜欢纠结狗的卡路里摄入,严格限制它只能吃膳食纤维狗粮,而不是花点心思在我自己的食物养生上,放下手中的肉桂面包。从心理学上来说,这是“投射”的一个经典案例。“投射”是一种心理防御机制,人往往把自身的失败转嫁给其他无辜的人。在使用屏幕这个问题上,多数父母都应该少一点“投射”。


If we can get a grip on our “technoference,” as some psychologists have called it, we are likely to find that we can do much more for our children simply by doing less—regardless of the quality of their schooling and quite apart from the number of hours we devote to them. Parents should give themselves permission to back off from the suffocating pressure to be all things to all people. Put your kid in a playpen, already! Ditch that soccer-game appearance if you feel like it. Your kid will be fine. But when you are with your child, put down your damned phone.

且不论孩子的教育质量如何,以及我们在他们身上花了多少时间,如果我们能对心理学家所说的“技术干扰”加以控制,就能通过少做事为孩子多做事。父母应当让自己喘口气,允许自己有不随叫随到的时间。把孩子安全放进护栏里后,如果想玩点儿足球手游也未尝不可,孩子自己玩得挺好的。但当你在陪孩子的时候,请把该死的手机扔得远远的!


?推荐阅读

? 书籍

  • 《生命3.0》 

    豆瓣:8.8

    《生命3.0》一书中,作者迈克斯·泰格马克对人类的终极未来进行了全方位的畅想,从我们能活到的近未来穿行至1万年乃至10 亿年及其以后,从可见的智能潜入不可见的意识,重新定义了“生命”“智能”“目标”“意识”,并澄清了常见的对人工智能的误解,将帮你构建起应对人工智能时代动态的全新思维框架,抓住人类与人工智能共生演化的焦点

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    豆瓣:8.6

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  • 《养育的选择》 

    豆瓣:8.7

    如今,各种各样流行的教养迷思从各方面冲击着父母。父母焦虑和困惑的根本都源于对儿童发展规律的不了解,只看到儿童发展的一个点而看不到全部。《养育的选择》的作者——美国儿童发展研究协会会员、发展心理学博士、新浪育儿大V——陈忻,历时5年,从百万家长的咨询中挑选出13个父母普遍关心的问题——安全感、敏感期、创造力、自控力的培养等,用深厚的发展心理学的研究和理论做出解释,提供方向,并结合自己和很多来自咨询的育儿案列,给大家提供实际可行、行之有效的办法。既追根溯源、科学地解答了父母心中的疑惑,又让父母“知其然且知其所以然”,真正做到触类旁通、灵活运用。

? 电影

  • 完美陌生人 

    豆瓣:8.6

    三对处于各个婚姻阶段的伴侣和一个宅男,七人聚在一起吃晚餐。女主人提议下拍板决定当夜所有人分享每一个电话、每一条短信、邮件的内容,由此许多秘密开始不再是秘密,他们之间的关系也开始发生波动。

? 新闻

  • 新媒体时代下屏幕依赖低龄化趋势研究

    http://media.people.com.cn/n1/2017/0426/c412332-29238447.html

 ? 视频

  • https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/serve-return-interaction-shapes-brain-circuitry/


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【大西洋月刊】边带孩子边看手机,后果很严重

<原文链接:https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/07/the-dangers-of-distracted-parenting/561752/>


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