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【卫报】首次约会:做你自己就可以了?| 取经号


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“抓不住爱情的我,总是眼睁睁看它溜走,世界上幸福的人到处有,为何不能算我一个……”  林志炫的一曲《单身情歌》,唱出了多少单身人儿的心声。想要脱单?第一步可能就要约会。那么首次约会的你,是否能够抓住机会逆袭,成功脱单呢?你是否应该把最本真的你秀给约会对象看呢?下面这篇文章为你指点迷津。



正文



First Dates: Just Be Yourself?

首次约会:做你自己就可以了?


Three ways you should be yourself on a first date – and five ways you shouldn’t


首次约会时“做自己”的三种方法以及“不做自己”的五种方法


If you’re feeling nervous before a first date, someone (usually your best friend or your mother) is bound to say to you, “Just be yourself!” You can understand why they say it – they love you, so why wouldn’t your date like you just as you are too? But sometimes being yourself is not the way to go if you want a second date.


若你在初次约会前感到紧张,有些人(通常是你最好的朋友或母亲)肯定会跟你说,“做你自己就可以啦!”你可以明白他们这么说的原因—他们爱你,所以为什么你的约会对象不会喜欢你原本的样子呢?但有时候,如果你还想继续第二次约会,那么做你自己不是一个好办法。


Three ways you should be yourself…

“做自己”的三种方法


1. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not

        不要假装成另外一个人


This is what most people mean when they say “be yourself” – because there is essentially nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely good enough for your date or for anyone else. If you’re shy, it’s OK to be shy. If you’re chatty, it’s OK to chat. If you like pop and chick lit, don’t pretend to like opera and Russian poets just because your date seems more high-brow than you.


当大多数人说“做你自己”时,他们通常是此意。因为本质上来说,你自己本身没有任何问题。不管是对你的约会对象还是其他人来说,你自己本身就够好了。如果你很害羞,那么害羞就挺好。如果你健谈,那么健谈就很好。如果你喜欢流行和畅销小说,就不要因为约会对象看起来比你更有内涵就假装喜欢戏剧和俄国诗人。


2. Don’t put on airs and graces

        不要装腔作势


Be natural and friendly.  You don’t need to pretend to be better than anyone else. Even the royals don’t get away with that. The more natural and friendly they are, the more people like them. It’s the same for you.


表现的自然友好。你不需要假装表现得比其他人优秀。即使皇室成员也不例外。他们表现的越自然友好,人们越喜欢他们。这也同样适用于你。


3. Don’t lie

        不要说谎


There’s no point in lying about anything. If your first date turns into a relationship, you’ll be found out, and it’s not the best way to build trust for the future. You don’t have to disclose anything you don’t want to early on. It’s not the time to talk about heavy stuff going on in your life now or a past you’re ashamed of, but if you get asked a direct question, give an honest answer or evade the issue for now. Don’t tell a bare-faced lie.


没有必要说谎。如果你的首次约会顺利转化成恋爱关系,那你的真面目早晚会被发现。说谎对建立未来的信任来说不是一个好方法。你也不需要在你约会初期披露你不想透露的任何事情。这并不是一个让你谈论当下生活中的沉重话题或蒙羞的过去的时刻,但如果你被问到一个直接的问题,那就诚实回答或暂时回避这个问题。不要赤裸裸地说谎。


…and five ways you shouldn’t


“不做自己”的五种方法


1. Make an effort

        作出努力


Don’t turn up in your everyday clothes as if you were going to the supermarket or slumming round the house. It’s lazy and disrespectful not to take the trouble to look good for your date. If they turn up looking like they haven’t bothered to brush their hair or clean their teeth, are you going to want a second date?  I thought not.  Choose clothes that are comfortable and suit your personality, but make an effort to look good for the occasion.


不要穿日常的衣服,就好像你要去逛商场或去拜访贫民窟似的。不花费力气来为约会梳妆打扮是懒惰且失礼的。如果你的约会对象看起来像没有花时间打理头发或清洁牙齿,你还会想要第二次约会么?我觉得答案是否定的。选择舒适且与你个性相符的衣服,但同时努力为此次约会好好装扮一番。


2. Tailor your conversation

        谈吐得当


Don’t rabbit endlessly on about the things that interest you, even if you’re passionate about them, without finding out if your date is interested too. You might like talking about soap operas or the Battle of Britain, you might not be able to live without your china collection, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship just because your date isn’t into the same things, unless it’s an absolute deal-breaker. Vive la difference! If my husband had gone on about football on our first date as much as I now know he likes it, I don’t think we’d have got as far as a second date, never mind so many anniversaries that I lose count! Vary your chat.


即使你对自己感兴趣的话题富有激情,也不要喋喋不休,而不考虑你的约会对象是否也感兴趣。你可能会喜欢谈论肥皂剧或者不列颠战役,你可能生活中离不开瓷器收藏品,但这并不意味着你的约会对象对此不感兴趣你们就不会有一段好的关系,除非是绝对原则问题。差异万岁!如果我丈夫在我们第一次约会时就像现在一样无休止地谈论足球,那我估计我们不会有第二次约会,更不要说现在数不清的周年纪念日了。所以,让聊天话题多样化。


3. Keep it light

        正能量


You may have had a bad day, a bad week or even a bad year, but don’t bring your sense of injustice or rage with you to the coffee bar or restaurant, if you don’t want to be thought of ever after as the miserable one or the angry one and not see your date for dust. It’s not the time to talk about your bitter divorce or your money worries, even if they take up a huge chunk of your current head space. And save the lectures on global warming or the lack of affordable housing for another day, unless you sense that your date is equally fervent about such issues.


你可能度过了糟糕的一天、一周甚至一年,但不要把不公正感或愤怒带到咖啡厅或餐馆,如果你不想从此以后都被当做一个悲惨或愤怒的人,或是眼睁睁看着自己的约会告吹。约会不是你谈论痛苦婚姻或金钱困扰的好时机,即使他们现在占据你头脑的大幅空间。不要费口舌发表关于全球变暖或隔日经济适用房缺乏的演讲,除非你觉得你的约会对象也同样对这些话题感兴趣。


4. Be polite

        有礼貌


You’re not going for a job interview, and you don’t need to treat the date like that, but everyone appreciates good manners. If you normally don’t bother about simple etiquette (the kind that boils down to consideration for others, as opposed to the correct forms of address for a bishop) or you curse like a sailor, it’s time to up your game a bit. There are many first dates that don’t turn into second dates because of uncouth behaviour that could easily be corrected or toned down.


你不是要去参加一场工作面试,所以不需要把约会看做是一场面试,但人们都喜欢有礼貌的人。如果你通常不为简单的礼节(可归结为替他人着想的细节之处,而不是如何恰当称呼主教这类礼节大事。)而费心,或像水手一样粗鲁,那你该提升一下自己的修养了。有许多首次约会告吹就是因为不得体的行为,而这些行为本可以很简单改正或缓和过来。


5. Flirt!

        暗送秋波


If you want a first date to turn into a second, it’s no good playing it cool even if that’s the way you normally are. Showing a little enthusiasm can go a long way. Very few people are so bursting with confidence that they won’t warm to you more if you show that you like them. You don’t even have to say anything to show that you find your date attractive. Try a little eye contact, smiling, teasing and being interested. It can work wonders.


如果你想让首次约会进入第二次,那么清高冷漠是没有益处的,即使你本来就是这样的人。表示一点热情对确定关系有帮助。如果你表露出喜欢你的约会对象,那么大多数人会信心十足更加热情地回应你。你甚至不用说任何一句关于约会对象有魅力的话。试着眼神交流,微笑,调侃以及表现出兴趣。这可以创造奇迹。


本文原作者Ana Wilde



外媒简介


《卫报》是英国的全国性综合内容日报, 是一张自由民主派的报纸,代表左翼,读者多是知识界和年轻人。在欧洲知识界,《卫报》的影响力超过了任何一张报纸。


报纸严肃和独立精神的定位也从创刊者泰勒开始。泰勒确立了《卫报》成功传承的三大传统:精确完整的报道标准关注及服务社团的商业利益绝对独立自主的立场,不受党派政治领导人左右




学习笔记



【重点词汇】


1.【high-brow】adj. 被认为文化修养高的

If you like pop and chick lit, don’t pretend to like opera and Russian poets just because your date seems more high-brow than you.

如果你喜欢流行和畅销小说,就不要因为约会对象看起来比你更有内涵就假装喜欢戏剧和俄国诗人。


2.【slum】v.去贫民窟  n. 贫民窟

Don’t turn up in your everyday clothes as if you were going to the supermarket or slumming round the house.

不要穿日常的衣服,就好像你要去逛商场或去拜访贫民窟似的。


3.【put on airs and graces】装腔作势

Don’t put on airs and graces.

不要装腔作势。


【知识拓展】


【Battle of Britain】不列颠战役

不列颠战役是第二次世界大战期间纳粹德国对英国发动的大规模空战,也是第二次世界大战中规模最大的空战。战争在1941年10月12日以德国的失败告终。不列颠战役意义深远,是人类战争史上首次空战战争,证明了战略性的大规模空袭将直接影响战争的进程。由于不列颠战役的胜利,英国得以保存下来,而英国的坚持抗战,把德军拖入了致命的长期持久战,而且成为日后英美反攻欧洲大陆的跳板,使德军陷入了两面作战的困境。


翻译:戴秀平

  校对:刘    蕊

策划:唐可可



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